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Co Active Coaching Kimsey House
In a sentence
A comprehensive model for coaching in which coach and coachee form an active, equal alliance that draws out the coachee's own creativity, resourcefulness, and wholeness to create fulfilling, balanced, and fully lived lives.
Co-Active Coaching is the definitive guide to a relationship-based method of helping people change, grow, and act—rooted in the conviction that people are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole. Built on four cornerstones, five contexts (listening, intuition, curiosity, forwarding action and deepening learning, and self-management), and three principles (fulfillment, balance, and process), the book teaches coaches, leaders, and managers how to create a safe and courageous container in which transformative conversations occur. Rather than solving problems for people, the co-active coach asks powerful questions, listens on multiple levels, holds the coachee's agenda, and grants power to the relationship itself so the coachee discovers their own answers and takes accountable action. Packed with skills, sample dialogues, and exercises, it serves both professional coaches and anyone who wants to have deeper, more empowering conversations at work and in life.
The four lenses
- Science
- Statistics
- Systems
- Strategy
The model
A framework in which foundational stances and a designed coaching environment enable coach competencies (contexts) that draw out psychological states of empowerment and discovery in the coachee, leading to accountable action and learning that produce a fulfilling, balanced, and fully lived life.
Co-Active Cornerstone Stancedesign lever
The coach's foundational beliefs and posture: that people are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole; a focus on the whole person; dancing in this moment; and evoking transformation. This stance is the container that makes co-active conversation possible.
Safe and Courageous Coaching Environmentcontextual condition
The relationship container characterized by confidentiality, trust, truth-telling, openness, and spaciousness, co-created through a designed alliance, that enables coachees to take risks and be vulnerable in pursuit of change.
Designed Alliancedesign lever
The intentionally and mutually created working agreement between coach and coachee that clarifies expectations, roles, and communication approach, and grants power to the relationship rather than to either individual, revisited over time.
Coach Contexts and Skillsdesign lever
The five competencies the coach brings—listening at multiple levels, intuition, curiosity, forwarding action and deepening learning, and self-management—along with the associated skills such as powerful questions, acknowledging, reframing, and requesting.
Holding the Coachee's Agendabehavioral pattern
The coach's disciplined practice of setting aside personal opinions, judgments, and answers to fully focus attention on the coachee and the coachee's own goals, keeping power granted to the relationship and the coachee in control.
Coachee Empowerment and Awarenesspsychological state
The coachee's internal state of increased self-awareness, discovery, expanded perspective, confidence, and sense of choice and control over their life, arising from being deeply listened to and asked powerful questions.
Accountable Action and Learningbehavioral pattern
The coachee's follow-through on committed action between sessions combined with the reflective harvesting of learning from that action, structured by accountability and the cycle of action and learning over time.
Fulfilling, Balanced, Fully Lived Lifeoutcome metric
The ultimate outcome of coaching: a life aligned with values and purpose (fulfillment), in flow with priorities and choices (balance), and fully experienced in the present (process), leading to sustained and effective change.
Inner Saboteur and Resistance to Changepsychological state
The group of thought processes and feelings that maintains the status quo and resists change, often surfacing when risk or change is imminent, alongside systemic homeostasis that pulls the coachee back to the familiar.
How they connect
- cornerstone stance → influences coaching environment
- designed alliance → influences coaching environment
- coach contexts → predicts holding agenda
- holding agenda → predicts coachee empowerment
- coach contexts → predicts coachee empowerment
- coaching environment → moderates coachee empowerment
- coachee empowerment → predicts accountable action learning
- accountable action learning → predicts fulfilling balanced life
- coachee saboteur − moderates accountable action learning
- cornerstone stance → influences coachee empowerment
The process
The Co-Active Coaching playbook establishes a transformative partnership between coach and coachee, built on the belief that people are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole. The process begins by formally establishing the coaching engagement, which includes a discovery phase to understand the coachee's current reality and future aspirations, and consciously co-creating a "Designed Alliance" that defines the rules and expectations for the relationship. This alliance creates a safe and courageous environment for the work ahead. The core of the playbook is the recurring coaching session, a dynamic conversation where the coach uses five key contexts—deep listening, intuition, curiosity, forwarding action/deepening learning, and self-management—to help the coachee explore their agenda. The coach's role is not to provide answers but to ask powerful questions and use specific skills to evoke transformation. Depending on the coachee's needs, the coach may employ specific methods, such as the Balance Coaching formula to shift perspectives and create new possibilities, or the Process Coaching flow to navigate and learn from emotional experiences. Ultimately, every interaction is designed to move the coachee toward a life of greater fulfillment, balance, and presence. The playbook is cyclical, with each session culminating in clear action steps and accountability, which then become the starting point for future learning and progress. The entire model is a collaborative "dance in the moment," where the relationship itself is the primary vehicle for the coachee's growth and empowerment.
Establish the Coaching Engagement
To formally begin a coaching relationship, set the foundation for the work, clarify the coachee's goals, and orient them to the co-active process.
When to use: When initiating a new coaching relationship with a coachee.
Step 1Settle logistics and administrative procedures.
Entry: A potential coachee has agreed to begin a coaching relationship.
Exit: All logistical and administrative details are agreed upon.
In: Coachee's availability, Coach's policies · Out: Agreed-upon coaching schedule and policies
Step 2Assess the coachee's current state.
Entry: Logistics are settled.
Exit: The coach and coachee have a shared understanding of the coachee's current situation.
In: Coachee's self-reflection and stories · Out: Assessment of coachee's life satisfaction, Identification of key issues and strengths
Step 3Design the coachee's desired future.
Entry: The coachee's current state has been assessed.
Exit: The coachee has a clearer vision and defined goals for the coaching engagement.
In: Coachee's aspirations and desires · Out: Clarified goals, A compelling vision statement
Step 4Orient the coachee to the coaching process.
Entry: The coachee's desired future has been explored.
Exit: The coachee understands the coaching process and their role within it.
In: Co-Active Coaching model principles · Out: Shared understanding of the coaching relationship
Design the Alliance
To consciously and deliberately co-create the working relationship between coach and coachee to ensure it is as powerful and effective as possible for the coachee.
When to use: During the initial discovery session and revisited regularly throughout the coaching relationship as needs change.
Step 1Initiate a conversation about creating an effective working relationship.
Entry: The coaching relationship is being established or needs adjustment.
Exit: The coachee agrees to participate in designing the alliance.
In: Coach's intention to create a co-active relationship · Out: A dedicated conversation about the relationship itself
Step 2Explore the conditions needed for effective work.
Entry: The design conversation has begun.
Exit: The coachee has articulated their needs for the relationship.
In: Coachee's working and learning styles · Out: A list of conditions for an effective alliance
Step 3Identify potential obstacles and clarify expectations.
Entry: The coachee's needs have been explored.
Exit: Potential obstacles and mutual expectations are understood.
In: Coachee's past experiences with collaboration, Coach's understanding of common coaching pitfalls · Out: Clarity on roles and expectations
Step 4Agree on the design and grant power to the relationship.
Entry: Obstacles and expectations have been clarified.
Exit: A mutual agreement on the design of the alliance is reached.
In: List of conditions and expectations · Out: A consciously designed alliance
Step 5Revisit and redesign the alliance regularly.
Entry: The coaching relationship is ongoing.
Exit: The alliance is updated to reflect the coachee's current needs.
In: Coachee's evolving needs · Out: A redesigned alliance
Conduct a Co-Active Coaching Session
To facilitate the coachee's progress on their agenda through a focused, collaborative conversation that forwards action and deepens learning.
When to use: During any standard coaching session after the initial engagement process.
Step 1Check in and establish the coachee's agenda for the session.
Entry: A scheduled coaching session is beginning.
Exit: The topic for the session is clearly identified.
In: Coachee's current challenges or goals · Out: A clear agenda for the session
Step 2Explore the agenda using the five co-active contexts.
Entry: The session agenda is set.
Exit: The coachee has gained new awareness or insight into their topic.
- Which coaching principle (Fulfillment, Balance, Process) is most relevant to the topic?
- Which coaching skill (e.g., powerful questions, reframing) is needed in the moment?
In: Coachee's agenda, Coach's full presence and skills · Out: Coachee insights and discoveries
Step 3Connect the session's topic to the coachee's 'big agenda'.
Entry: The coachee has explored their immediate agenda.
Exit: The coachee understands the deeper meaning or pattern related to their topic.
In: Coachee's stated values and vision · Out: Deeper learning and connection to purpose
Step 4Co-create specific, measurable action steps.
Entry: The coachee has gained new learning or insight.
Exit: The coachee has identified one or more clear actions to take.
In: Coachee's new awareness · Out: A plan of action
Step 5Establish clear accountability.
Entry: Action steps have been identified.
Exit: The coachee has made a clear commitment to action and a method for reporting back.
In: The coachee's action plan · Out: An accountability structure
Coach for Balance
To help a coachee who feels stuck, blocked, or victimized by circumstances to shift their perspective, see new possibilities, and move into empowered action.
When to use: When a coachee presents a problem from a disempowered or limited point of view.
Step 1Identify and explore the coachee's current perspective.
Entry: The coachee has presented an issue from a stuck or disempowered perspective.
Exit: The coachee's limiting perspective is clearly identified and understood.
In: Coachee's description of their problem · Out: A named, limiting perspective
Step 2Generate alternative, resourceful perspectives.
Entry: The limiting perspective has been identified.
Exit: Several new, more empowering perspectives have been generated.
In: Coach's creativity and powerful questions, Coachee's imagination · Out: A list of alternative perspectives
Step 3Guide the coachee to choose a new perspective.
Entry: Alternative perspectives have been generated.
Exit: The coachee has chosen a new, empowering perspective to adopt.
In: List of alternative perspectives · Out: A chosen perspective
Step 4Develop a co-active strategy from the new perspective.
Entry: A new perspective has been chosen.
Exit: A list of potential actions has been created.
In: The chosen perspective · Out: A brainstormed list of action possibilities
Step 5Secure the coachee's commitment to the strategy.
Entry: A strategy with potential actions has been developed.
Exit: The coachee has verbally committed to the plan.
In: The co-active strategy · Out: A committed coachee
Step 6Define specific action steps and establish accountability.
Entry: The coachee has committed to the strategy.
Exit: Clear, accountable action steps are defined.
In: The coachee's commitment · Out: An action plan with accountability
Coach for Process
To help a coachee navigate and learn from their internal, in-the-moment experience, especially when strong but unexpressed emotions are blocking their progress.
When to use: When the coach senses turbulence, resistance, or unexpressed emotion (e.g., anger, sadness, joy) under the surface of the conversation.
Step 1Sense and name the underlying turbulence.
Entry: The coach perceives a disconnect between the coachee's words and their emotional energy.
Exit: The unexpressed emotion has been brought into the open.
In: Coach's Level III listening and intuition · Out: An articulated observation of the coachee's emotional state
Step 2Ask for permission and explore the territory.
Entry: The emotion has been named.
Exit: The coachee has agreed to explore the emotion.
In: The named emotion · Out: Permission to proceed
Step 3Guide the coachee to fully experience the emotion.
Entry: The coachee has given permission to explore.
Exit: The coachee has fully engaged with their present-moment emotional experience.
In: Coach's presence and guidance · Out: Coachee's direct experience of the emotion
Step 4Notice when a shift occurs.
Entry: The coachee is experiencing the emotion.
Exit: A palpable shift in the coachee's energy is detected.
In: Coach's Level III listening · Out: An energetic shift
Step 5Acknowledge the newly opened energy and resources.
Entry: An energetic shift has occurred.
Exit: The coachee feels a sense of release and renewed energy.
In: The energetic shift · Out: Coachee's access to new internal resources
Step 6Define forward movement based on the new learning.
Entry: The coachee has access to new resources.
Exit: The coachee has identified a path for moving forward.
In: Coachee's new awareness and energy · Out: An action plan rooted in the emotional learning
Clarify Coachee Values
To help the coachee identify their core values, which serve as a guide for making fulfilling life choices and decisions.
When to use: During the initial discovery process, when a coachee is facing a major decision, or anytime a coachee is feeling dissonance or a lack of fulfillment.
Step 1Extract values from the coachee's life experiences.
Entry: The coachee is ready to explore what is most important to them.
Exit: A list of potential values has been generated from the coachee's own stories.
In: Coachee's life stories and experiences · Out: A draft list of values
Step 2Help the coachee articulate the values in their own language.
Entry: A draft list of values exists.
Exit: The coachee has a list of values articulated in language that resonates with them.
In: Draft list of values · Out: A personalized list of core values
Step 3Guide the coachee to prioritize their top values.
Entry: A personalized list of values has been created.
Exit: The coachee has a prioritized list of their top values.
In: Personalized list of values · Out: A prioritized list of top 5-10 values
Step 4Assess how well each value is currently being honored.
Entry: The values have been prioritized.
Exit: The coachee has a clear picture of which values are being honored and which are not.
In: Prioritized list of values · Out: A rated list of values, highlighting gaps
Step 5Coach the coachee on closing the gap.
Entry: Gaps between values and current life have been identified.
Exit: The coachee has a plan to live more in alignment with their values.
In: The rated list of values · Out: Action steps to honor values
Perform a Clearing
To help a coachee who is preoccupied or emotionally agitated to vent and release the distraction so they can be present and focused for the coaching session.
When to use: At the start of a session or anytime a coachee is clearly unable to focus due to a preoccupation.
Step 1Identify that the coachee is preoccupied.
Entry: A coaching session is in progress.
Exit: The coach has identified the coachee's preoccupied state.
In: Coach's observation of the coachee's state · Out: An awareness that a clearing is needed
Step 2Propose a time-limited clearing.
Entry: The coach has identified the need for a clearing.
Exit: The coachee agrees to the clearing process.
Out: Agreement to perform a clearing
Step 3Act as an active listener while the coachee vents.
Entry: The clearing has begun.
Exit: The coachee has fully expressed their preoccupation.
In: Coachee's thoughts and feelings · Out: Emotional release for the coachee
Step 4Refrain from interacting with the content.
Entry: The coachee is venting.
Exit: The coach has successfully maintained a non-judgmental, listening presence.
Step 5Conclude the clearing and transition back to the coaching agenda.
Entry: The coachee has finished venting.
Exit: The coachee is present and ready to engage in the coaching session.
Out: A present and focused coachee
The story
The reader A person (or a coach, leader, or manager) who wants to help others—or themselves—make meaningful change, grow, and live a more fulfilling, balanced, and fully expressed life.
External problem
People are stuck, out of balance, or unfulfilled, and conventional advice-giving and problem-solving fail to create lasting change.
Internal problem
They feel disempowered, overwhelmed, or unseen, and doubt their own capacity to find answers and take action.
Philosophical problem
Treating people as fragile problems to be solved denies their inherent creativity, resourcefulness, and wholeness, and robs conversations of their transformative potential.
The plan
- Adopt the four cornerstones as your fundamental stance toward others.
- Create a safe and courageous coaching environment through a designed alliance.
- Develop the five contexts: listening, intuition, curiosity, forwarding and deepening, and self-management.
- Hold the coachee's agenda and grant power to the relationship.
- Work the three principles—fulfillment, balance, and process—to connect action to a fully lived life.
- Build accountability so action and learning between sessions create sustained change.
Success
- Coachees discover their own answers and become more resourceful and accountable.
- Relationships deepen with trust, openness, and honesty.
- People live more fulfilling, balanced, and fully expressed lives.
- Leaders create empowered, engaged cultures where people take initiative and grow.
At stake
- Conversations stay shallow, and people remain stuck, dependent, and disempowered.
- Fear of failure paralyzes grand plans and good ideas.
- Lives drift out of balance and become filled with toleration and self-betrayal.
- Talent goes undeveloped and organizations receive compliance rather than commitment.
Questions this book answers
- What makes a coaching relationship transformative rather than merely advisory?
- How can one help another person find their own answers instead of giving solutions?
- What are the essential competencies and skills a coach must develop?
- How do fulfillment, balance, and process shape a fully lived life?
- How can coaching principles apply to leadership, management, and everyday conversation?
Glossary
- Co-Active Cornerstone Stance
- The foundational beliefs and posture the coach takes toward the coachee, comprising the four cornerstones that make co-active conversation possible.
- Safe and Courageous Coaching Environment
- The relationship container that is safe enough for risk-taking and courageous enough for bold choices, built on confidentiality, trust, truth-telling, and spaciousness.
- Designed Alliance
- The intentionally co-created working agreement between coach and coachee that grants power to the relationship and tailors it to the coachee's needs.
- Coach Contexts and Skills
- The five competencies (listening, intuition, curiosity, forward and deepen, self-management) and their associated skills that the coach brings to the interaction.
- Holding the Coachee's Agenda
- The coach's practice of setting aside their own biases and answers to fully support the coachee's own goals and lead.
- Coachee Empowerment and Awareness
- The coachee's internal state of expanded awareness, discovery, confidence, and sense of choice and control resulting from co-active coaching.
- Accountable Action and Learning
- The coachee's follow-through on committed action between sessions combined with reflective learning, structured by accountability.
- Fulfilling, Balanced, Fully Lived Life
- The ultimate coaching outcome of a life aligned with values and purpose, in flow with one's priorities, and fully experienced in the present.