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Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success

Adam Grant · 2013

In a sentence

Contrary to the belief that nice guys finish last, this book reveals that the most successful people are often givers who create value for others, which in turn builds reputations, relationships, and ripple effects that lead to their own surprising and sustainable success.

We're taught that to succeed, we must be competitive, self-interested, and claim as much value as we can. 'Give and Take' shatters this assumption with groundbreaking research and compelling stories. Author Adam Grant reveals that our professional success depends less on motivation, talent, and luck, and more on how we interact with others. He introduces three reciprocity styles—takers, matchers, and givers—and makes the counterintuitive case that givers, who contribute without expecting anything in return, are overrepresented at both the bottom and the very top of the success ladder. This book explores the powerful and often hidden reasons why givers thrive, detailing their unique approaches to networking, collaboration, influence, and talent development. More importantly, it provides a roadmap for how to practice giving in a way that avoids burnout and exploitation, allowing you to achieve extraordinary results for yourself and others.

The four lenses

  • Science
  • Statistics
  • Systems
  • Strategy

Tags

f1-science

The model

This model illustrates how giving behaviors, when moderated by an 'otherish' self-interest, lead to long-term professional success and personal well-being through the mediating mechanisms of reputation, network capital, collaborative value creation, influence, and motivation.

Giving Behaviorsdesign lever

The voluntary and proactive act of contributing value to others—such as sharing time, knowledge, skills, or connections—without the expectation of immediate or direct personal gain. These are the core actions of a 'giver' reciprocity style.

Otherish Self-Interestpsychological state

A motivational state that combines a high level of concern for others with a healthy degree of ambition and concern for one's own interests. This distinguishes successful 'otherish' givers from unsuccessful 'selfless' givers who are prone to burnout and exploitation.

Reputation as a Giverpsychological state

The collective perception held by others that an individual is trustworthy, generous, and acts with the interests of others in mind. This reputation is built over time through consistent giving behaviors.

Network Capitalbehavioral pattern

The accumulated value of an individual's social network, including the breadth and depth of connections, the goodwill of contacts, and access to dormant ties that provide novel information and opportunities.

Collaborative Value Creationbehavioral pattern

The process of enhancing a group's or team's effectiveness and output by willingly sharing knowledge and credit, undertaking less desirable tasks for the group's benefit, and fostering psychological safety.

Prestige-Based Influencebehavioral pattern

The ability to persuade and influence others based on earned respect and admiration, often achieved through 'powerless communication' tactics such as expressing vulnerability, asking questions, and seeking advice, as opposed to dominance.

Energized Motivationpsychological state

A state of sustained energy, purpose, and resilience against burnout, which is fueled by perceiving the tangible and meaningful impact of one's contributions on the well-being of others.

Long-Term Professional Successoutcome metric

Sustained, objective achievement in one's career, encompassing measures such as performance ratings, promotions, compensation, and the attainment of leadership positions over an extended period.

Enhanced Personal Well-Beingoutcome metric

An individual's subjective experience of a fulfilling life, characterized by high levels of happiness, life satisfaction, and a strong sense of meaning and purpose, often derived from making a positive impact on others.

How they connect

  • giving behaviors → influences reputation as a giver
  • giving behaviors → influences network capital
  • giving behaviors → influences collaborative value creation
  • giving behaviors → influences prestige based influence
  • giving behaviors → influences energized motivation
  • otherish self interest → moderates giving behaviors
  • reputation as a giver → predicts long term professional success
  • network capital → predicts long term professional success
  • collaborative value creation → predicts long term professional success
  • prestige based influence → predicts long term professional success
  • energized motivation → predicts long term professional success
  • energized motivation → predicts enhanced personal well being

The story

The reader An ambitious and well-intentioned professional who wants to achieve success but feels conflicted about the perceived need to be selfish in a competitive world. They desire to make a positive impact and build meaningful relationships without sacrificing their career goals.

External problem

The reader operates in a world that seems to reward takers and self-serving behavior, making it difficult to justify and practice generosity without falling behind.

Internal problem

The reader feels anxious and naive for wanting to be a giver, fearing that this approach will lead to being exploited, burning out, and ultimately failing to achieve their potential.

Philosophical problem

It's just plain wrong that getting ahead should require putting others down. People should be able to succeed by lifting others up.

The plan

  1. Identify your own primary reciprocity style and learn to spot givers, takers, and matchers in your interactions.
  2. Practice the distinct strategies of successful givers in networking, collaboration, communication, and talent development.
  3. Adopt an 'otherish' mindset that balances concern for others with your own interests to avoid burnout and exploitation.

Success

  • The reader achieves their ambitions while building a strong reputation and a powerful network of allies who are rooting for their success.
  • They become a respected and influential figure who creates value for themselves and those around them.
  • They experience a more meaningful and fulfilling professional life, energized by their contributions to others.

At stake

  • The reader continues to feel conflicted, either becoming a cynical taker who damages relationships or a selfless, burnt-out giver who fails to reach their potential.
  • They remain trapped in a zero-sum view of success, missing opportunities for both personal achievement and collective impact.
  • Their career stagnates, and they feel unfulfilled and disconnected from their work.

Questions this book answers

Are successful people primarily givers, takers, or matchers?
Why do some givers achieve immense success while others end up as doormats?
What specific strategies do successful givers use to network, collaborate, communicate, and influence others effectively?
How can individuals practice giving without sacrificing their own ambitions or burning out?
How can organizations create cultures that encourage giving and unlock the benefits of collective success?

Glossary

Giving Behaviors
Actions where an individual contributes value to others (e.g., time, knowledge, connections) with a primary focus on benefiting the recipient, rather than with an expectation of direct or immediate reciprocation.
Otherish Self-Interest
A strategic orientation that synthesizes high concern for others' interests with a simultaneous, healthy regard for one's own interests. This involves making choices about when, where, how, and to whom to give in order to preserve one's energy and prevent exploitation, thereby sustaining one's ability to contribute.
Reputation as a Giver
The shared perception within a social network that an individual is generous, helpful, and trustworthy. This reputation is an intangible asset that accumulates through consistent giving behaviors and signals positive intentions to others.
Network Capital
The value embedded in an individual's social network, comprising the goodwill and trust of contacts, the breadth of access to diverse information and resources, and the potential to reactivate dormant ties.
Collaborative Value Creation
The act of increasing a group's total output and effectiveness by contributing in ways that help others succeed. This involves sharing expertise freely, taking on tasks that serve the group's mission, sharing credit, and creating a psychologically safe environment for innovation.
Prestige-Based Influence
The capacity to influence others that stems from their respect and admiration for one's skills, character, and contributions. It is achieved not through force or dominance, but through behaviors that signal vulnerability, competence, and good intentions, such as seeking advice and advocating for others.
Energized Motivation
A psychological state characterized by high levels of vigor, dedication, and meaning in one's work. For givers, this is primarily sustained by the awareness and visibility of the positive impact their work has on beneficiaries, which serves as a powerful antidote to stress and burnout.
Long-Term Professional Success
The cumulative achievement of favorable career outcomes over time. This includes not just individual performance metrics but also career advancement, compensation growth, and the attainment of influential roles within an organization or industry.